Just when we thought things were looking up…
… I ended up in the Emergency Room, with an IV in the crook of my elbow, trying to nurse my new little man while strangers poked, prodded, examined, and ultrasounded me for five hours.
And then I was told that I had an infection that would hospitalize most people. But because we caught it early enough (aka, I was neurotic about the amount of blood I was losing postpartum), I did not have to be admitted overnight. Instead, I was given three antibiotics, told not to breastfeed for ten days, and sent home at 2:00am.
So when people ask how we are and we look at them with glazed-over eyes, give a weak half-smile, and take a long pause before responding with, “Well…”, that is part of the reason why.
And this is how we really are:
- Tired. Hudson is sleeping well for a newborn (about 4-hour stretches at night), but our rest seems fitful and worrisome, regardless of what time we crawl into bed.
- Thankful. I praise God that I was the one in the ER and not one of my children. I praise God that I did not have to stay in the hospital overnight. I praise God that my mom is still here to help with things at home while I figure out pumping and formula feeding.
- Busy. Between doctors visits, drives to Anchorage for a new-to-us vehicle (PS – we joined the mini-van fan club), grocery shopping, and and and, we are constantly on the go. What does it look like to have a day at home? Not sure anymore.
- Impatient. Unfortunately, our patience is thin, particularly around 7:00pm when we try to put kids to bed who need to go potty seventeen times, need to change their pajamas all of a sudden, and say “Mimi!” on repeat in hopes that she’ll save them from their (apparently) tortuous bedtime routine and expectations.
- Quiet. Sometimes we just don’t know what to say or pray, how to respond to all these events, how to manage, sort through, and repent of feelings of guilt and anxiety and fear. So we’re just quiet. We don’t respond to texts or listen to voicemails timely. We scan our email but don’t really read anything. We talk, but not on a heart-level.
I usually try to end our posts on a happy note. One that is lighthearted and easy to connect to. But today, this is all I’ve got to wrap it up:
We trust God’s Spirit will intercede and turn our fumbling, tear-stained, shaky, and uncertain prayers into those wordless groans that reach the Father’s ears. We are so thankful for however you are lead to pray for us this week, too.